Dating Guru Guide

Are you a single woman trying to find your Mr. Right? Then you need my ‘Conversation Cheat Sheet’. It helps you avoid meeting or considering a first date with a guy who is wrong for you. My cheat sheet works best when you haven’t met the guy yet. Let’s say you’ve started talking on the phone after he’s contacted you from an internet dating site. My cheat sheet shows you how to find those red flags that tell you when the guy is “bad news”. The most important thing you must realize is that talking on the phone at length with a guy you’re considering meeting for first time or even considering a first date with after you briefly met  each, is very important if you are looking to find a potential “friend/companion with benefits, love interest, or dating partner”. Screening a guy on the phone is crucial. Why?

Well, the 1st reason you must talk at length on the phone before you meet him or date him is because you have to find out about his “attitude” about key things in his life, including his attitude about himself and the people in his life. Believe it or not, a guy’s attitude about his life is easy to detect when you talk on the phone once you know what questions to ask and how to read his attitude in his answers. And that’s why I devised this cheat sheet; to show you how to read his attitude. You can figure out his attitude about a lot of things in just a few phone conversations. And that attitude will tell you how well he will treat you, whether you are compatible, and whether he can offer you what you are looking for in a dating relationship. Find this hard to believe? Are you saying to yourself right about now, “Yeh, right, I barely got to know my boyfriend after dating him 6 months, so how will I know anything about a guy in just 2 phone conversations?” Well, most women do find out a lot about a guy’s attitude on a myriad of things in just a few phone conversations, but they do not consciously acknowledge seeing these things to themselves. That’s because they are so intent on landing a guy, that they just want him to like her and desire her. They just worry about the guy wanting them instead of focusing on whether the guy is even right for them. And that’s the problem with feeling desperate about getting a boyfriend. You make choices based on fear, and not based on truly loving and caring about yourself.

The 2nd reason you must use this cheat sheet and screen a guy on the phone is because you must get in touch with YOUR ATTITUDE ABOUT THE GUY’S ATTITUDE. Yes, believe it or not, we usually have already established in our mind subconsciously an attitude about the guy we’ve spoken to. We have reacted to his words and formed our own attitude about his attitude on life and buried it deep inside us. So, this cheat sheet is really a way for us to acknowledge what we already see about him and unearth our attitude about it. We will see if he is going to have an attitude that focuses on us and respects us and treats us well. We will frankly see our attitude about his attitude towards his ex. We will acknowledge when we don’t like his attitude about blaming his wife for everything. We will acknowledge how we feel, which is “if he can talk this way about her, he can treat us in the same disrespectful way.” We often “blindly” see red flags about the guys we date and ignore them. But when we follow the cheat sheet, we face seeing these things and don’t blindly give a guy a chance thinking this time he’ll be different with us. The truth is, for most guys, they never change how they live their life or treat women. They won’t work less, stop being promiscuous, spend less time with their kids or be less frugal with money.

One of the things women tell me when they use “the Cheat Sheet” is that they never find a guy that passes the cheat sheet test. “If I go by the cheat sheet,” then I’ll never have anyone to date” they tell me. And my answer to you is this: The cheat sheet works in miraculous ways. It helps you to eliminate many potentially bad dating partners in your life. Yes, you may have a dry spell from dating anyone for awhile, but you are also avoiding many potentially bad relationships. You may be dateless for months, passing up opportunity after opportunity with all those potentially wrong partners. And then, one day, when you are open and free and have made it clear to the universe exactly who you are looking for, that guy who passes the cheat sheet with flying colors will come into your life. Yes, you may not date as much at the beginning of using the Cheat Sheet test and that’s fine. Being selective means weeding out all those potentially wrong partners. Giving anyone a chance by dating him is just telling the universe there is something about this guy I don’t like but that’s okay. ‘”It’s okay for me to date guys that have things about them I don’ like” is the message you give the universe. Because the truth is, deep in your subconscious you are aware of the hings you don’t like about him. And that is why this type of guy keeps entering your life:  The wrong one for you that you just keep accepting.

Another reason it’s important not to meet or date a guy you’ve met right away is because, when you meet a guy and have a strong physical attraction to him, all your common sense about whether he’s right for you goes out the window. Yes, you’ll tend to overlook those red warning flags about him that will ultimately make you miserable when the sexual chemistry starts to wane in the relationship. The Cheat Sheet gives you red warning flags about a GUY’S ATTITUDE that shows whether he is capable of being a caring and giving love partner. It gets you in touch with your attitude about whether he is right for you. Most women look at statistical facts about a guy to decide if he is dating worth dating her. But statistical facts mean very little. Why? Because a guy can make $150,000 yearly and be so cheap that he acts like he earns $35,000 yearly; a guy can be a loving father with his kids and make them his whole life to the point of making you feel like “the other woman” in his life; a guy can have a great job and work day and night and never be there mentally or emotionally for you. Get the picture? It’s his attitude about money, his kids, and his job that matter. And this attitude is one he will show you when you talk on the phone, if you know how to look for it.

My Cheat Sheet covers a man’s attitude about these key areas of his life:
1) his attitude about past relationships with women including his wife
2) his attitude about work and play
3) his attitude about valuing the things you value in your life
4) his attitude about money
5) his attitude about sex and monogamy
6) his attitude about his hobbies and addictions
7) his attitude about his kids
his attitude about himself and his life in general .

There is a lot you can tell about a guy’s attitude in the key areas of his life from just a few conversations with him, without getting into details and facts about his life. Most guys are very transparent about their attitude towards women, work, money, sex, their kids, and you. It’s his attitude about these things that matter more than the facts about them. Knowing his attitude about these things just takes a few phone conversations, when you know what to talk about and focus on. And a few phone calls is a whole lot better than going out on an uncomfortable blind date and then realizing the guy isn’t for you. So if a guy pressures you to meet him right away, just say you aren’t sure yet when you’ll be free. Let him keep calling you and you’ll eventually get a good idea about his attitude on a lot of things very quickly. And if he passes the “Cheat Sheet Red Flag test”, then meet him with the positive attitude of knowing he has the potential of being a good partner for someone. And that someone might possibly be you. After all, wouldn’t you prefer to know before meeting a guy that he is cheap or a workaholic, than start dating him and finally realize it after months of dating? I know I wish I had.

So let’s get started:

The Cheat Sheet Test Red Flag #1: His Attitude about his Past Relationships with Women

You don’t need to know the details about how many women he’s dated since his divorce or how many women he’s had sex with since he left his wife, even though it would be nice to know. Most likely a guy will not want to talk about it or tell you the true details on the phone before he meets you (or possibly ever). But he will usually have something to say about his ex and why the marriage ended or why the relationship ended with his girlfriend. You must bring up the subject by asking him how long he was with his ex and why the relationship or marriage ended. Then sit back and LISTEN TO THE FIREWORKS DISPLAY! The most important thing is HIS ATTITUDE about the past women in his life. Does he act respectful towards his ex? Does he harbor angry feelings? Does he blame her for ruining his life? Does he show resentment towards her? Does he have the attitude that she was the one responsible for the marriage ending or she cheated on him? Does he have the attitude that he was a victim of her mean, cheating, unappreciative behavior? Does he own up to any part in the relationship failing? Does he refer to her using derogatory words like “bitch” or “slut”? Does he still have a good relationship with her if he shares custody of the kids with her? Another sign to look for is whether he is still emotionally attached to his ex. Does he talk about her endlessly by either talking about how much he dislikes/hates her; all the things she did to him; or can he not even bring up the subject of talking about her without looking like he’s going to implode? Some men are not emotionally over an ex, the pain or anger is deep within them and you will sense it. AVOID MEETING OR DATING GUYS LIKE THIS. If he has a healthy attitude about women and his ex, he may say very little but what he does say will sound respectful and he will act fine with the fact the relationship ended. He will not hold any grudges or harbor any ill will or deep rooted resentment and anger. When a man is narcissistic, with deep rooted anger issues towards women, he never owns up to his responsibility in a relationship or life in general. Sometimes a man is in a relationship where the woman cheats on him and he is a victim of her promiscuity, but even that kind of man is one you want to avoid. He still has intimacy issues with women. Most men who have anger towards an ex are often guilty of “objectifying” women. They see women as servants that are supposed to act and be a certain way; more as their possessions to control. The truth is: No one person ruins a marriage or a relationship. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work and any man who blatantly sees his partner as the one to blame for everything that went wrong is someone who didn’t care about doing his part in being giving and caring in the relationship. Don’t fall for his “feel sorry for me I was a victim of a cold, selfish, uncaring, cheating wife”. And if he claims he never had sex with his wife in the marriage for years, he’s either lying or he’s been having affair(s) throughout his marriage.

Red Flag Item #2: His Attitude about Work and Play

You don’t need to know how many hours he works but you do need to know his attitude about being busy and his attitude about what he has going on in his life. Does he act like every minute of his day is booked with some important thing going on? Does he make time to spend talking to you and does he show an interest in your life? Is he calling you when he’s driving somewhere and only has a few minutes to converse with you before he reaches his destination?

Men who are workaholics are usually “busy drones” at home, always working on some project and never being free to talk to or relate to you because they are always involved in fixing or doing something. Avoid men who say they “work hard and play hard”, that’s just “workaholic justification” babble. If a guy has the ability to relax and enjoy life, you’ll know it by what he says to you when he has to get off the phone; does he have to get back to painting the bedroom or doing some chore? And can he plan meeting you in advance? If he is a workaholic he will also have commitment issues. Does he change the day or time last minute for your first meeting? Does he always seem hurried and busy? Does he always suggest you drop everything and meet him the night he calls you? Does he make you feel like you are taking up his precious time when you talk to him? It’s amazing that in our society today, so many men are addicted to work at work and at home, and we, as a culture, embrace it. But dating a guy who makes you feel like he’s honoring you with his time is not the kind of guy you will feel fulfilled dating. He will “never mentally and emotionally be there for you”. When you talk on the phone to guys like this, you will know it. You will feel it and sense it. Don’t let the temptation to be that “all important woman that he finally cares more about than all those other precious things he has scheduled in his life” make you want to meet him or date him. You will only be that one more thing on his “to do list”. AVOID MEETING OR DATING HIM.

Red Flag #3: His Attitude about Valuing the Things You Value in Your Life

This one is really important. Are you both on the same playing field in life? Is he on a completely different planet from you? Most men I’ve dated did not relate to me in terms of accepting my interests in life. I always changed who I was to be compatible with them in every relationship. And ultimately, when I just couldn’t take not being me anymore, the relationship ended. Can you be who you truly are with this guy? I believe every woman, when they talk to a guy, get’s a feeling in her gut, whether they can be who they are in a relationship with him or whether they would have to change something about their life or themselves to make the relationship work. You will know it, by talking to him, if he’s the type of guy who’ll ever be interested in what interest you in your life. Does he ask about something you told him on the 1st phone call on his 2nd phone call to you? If you had a cold, does he ask “how’s your cold?” Or, if you were going somewhere the day he called, does he ask whether you had a good time the 2nd time he calls you? If you want a guy who’ll remember your favorite clothing store when it’s your birthday and buy you something from that store, then you’ll have to listen to how much he pays attention to the things you tell him about your life. You’ll sense it when you talk to him if he is interested in knowing about you and your interests. You’ll know when you suggest a movie you want to see or a restaurant you want to go to and he’s enthusiastic about finding out the show times for your movie or mapquesting how to get to your restaurant pick.

You’ll know how much you are compatible by how he spends his days. You’ll know how much you will have to change your life to be compatible with his by what his hobbies are. Ask him what he likes to do and what his hobbies are. You will get the feeling that your lives can mesh beautifully just as they now are, or you will get the feeling that you would have to lower your standards, change your goals, live somewhere you don’t want to live, be with kids you don’t want to be with; accept things you truly morally can’t accept; or never get along on certain subjects by what he tells you about how he lives his life. Ask him his goals in life. You might be surprised to learn he plans to move out of state in 2 years. There are so many ways a guy can look good on paper, but if you have that feeling in your gut that you would have to change an important part of you to be compatible with him, then DON’T MEET OR DATE HIM.

Red Flag #4: His Attitude about Money

Another major thing to get a good gut feeling about is his attitude about  money. Many men have emotional anger issues related to money. They feel they don’t earn enough to feel self worth; they feel like failures because they didn’t succeed in the profession their father picked for them (and their father has reminded them about this ever since); they feel their ex financially stripped them of financial stability (she got the house lament); they pay child support and feel stripped financially by their ex wife and kids. Most men are open books about their negative attitude about their finances. They will complain about their hardships or make sarcastic jokes about it. Their anger issues with money are never well hidden; you will sense when something about their financial situation just isn’t sitting right with them “emotionally”.

It’s important for you to know what you want in a relationship with a man and to honor your needs and desires. Do you want a man who can offer you financial stability, who owns his own home and can afford to take you to nice restaurant and enhance your life financially? Or, are you okay with being the one paying for things because you are financially stable? Be honest with yourself and listen to a guy’s attitude about his financial situation. If you want someone who can add to or compliment your life, do not accept meeting or dating a guy who is driving a beat up old car, and barely has enough to pay the bills after he pays for child care. DON’T MEET OR DATE MEN WHO CANNOT GIVE YOU THE FINANCIAL LIFESTYLE YOU DESIRE. Love does not conquer all. When you try to make a relationship work with a man who has anger issues with money, who never wants to spend money living the kind of life you want to live; who doesn’t have your aspirations (because he doesn’t want to put his money towards those life goals); who doesn’t care about your needs and desires with money; you will be miserable witth him. If a guy has money issues, you will know it just by the attitude he has about money. And definitely do not date anyone who is separated and not divorced. Many a relationship can become strained by divorce, because divorce is costly and can often change a man’s financial situation overnight as well as his emotional state of mind.

Red Flag #5: His Attitude about Sex and Monogamy

Men looking for a sexual fling are open books. They will only focus on the physical with you; constantly complimenting you about your appearance; and bringing up the subject of your anatomy and sex into every conversation. It isn’t worth trying to find out how many sexual partners a guy like this has had since his divorce or whether you are one of 10 women he’s trying to date this week from that internet dating site. Guys like this will never be honest about their intentions. Guys only wanting a sexual relationship or guys with sex addictions (of which there are many) who are serial daters who date until they have sex with a woman and then move on, will call you every night until they finally get to meet you and have sex with you. They must meet you immediately and can never plan a date with you in advance (or if they do, they’ll change the date and time last minute). They are guys who want to see you the day they call you. Some women are turned on by these “bad boys” because they often appeal to a woman’s vanity by making her feel like they finally found the beautiful woman of their dreams. And they always lament how, “I just can’t find the right woman who understands me” to appeal to your codependent need to help them. The more they give you the impression they need to see you immediately and not let another day go by without glancing at your gorgeous face and eyes, the more they are looking to have a sexual fling. And the more they paint themselves as victims of selfish women who mistreated them and used them, the more they are narcissistically describing themselves. DON’T MEET OR DATE GUYS LIKE THIS.

Red Flag #6: His Attitude about his Hobbies and Addictions

Many men have addictions: addictions to work, addictions to drugs, addictions to alcohol, addictions too sex, addictions to an ex. And yes, so do women. But this is our cheat sheet, and for our cheat sheet to be successful, we can’t have the addictions we are trying to avoid in the men we date. I’ve already talked about sex and work addiction. If there is one thing that always contributes to the demise of a relationship, it’s an addiction. So how do you know in 2 conversations with the guy you’re considering dating has an addiction?

A lot of men hide their addictions to drugs and alcohol very well, especially on the phone. Of course you’ll know he’s had alcohol addiction when he can’t order a drink on the first date. But why wait till then to find that out he’s been an addict and you don’t want to date him? Some men even hide alcohol addiction well after dating you for several months until they get you emotionally dependent on them. Then suddenly they’ve had too much to drink in front of you and gone into an alcoholic rage. Wouldn’t it be great if you could weed out those guys that have alcohol and drug addiction before you even meet him? The good news is: yes you can.

The one thing about men with addictions is that: they all have “addictive personalities”. How do you know if the guy has an addictive personality? If he does he will often have a serious obsession with doing some kind of hobby, or be obsessed about fantasizing about a goal in his life that he does things to plan for (like reading real estate for hours on end because one day he wants to buy a house down the shore). The point is, he takes a hobby or interest and brings it to the level of an obsession. So listen to the things he used to enjoy doing or is now doing with his life. How much did it or does it control his world? Ask him all about his hobbies. If he seems obsessively into something that he can’t seem to stop talking about doing, (and he will expect you to change your life to conform to the demands that his obsessive hobby makes on him), he usually has an addictive personality and possibly even more serious addictions, such as a sex addiction, work addiction, or alcohol/drug addiction. Guys like this will one day be obsessed with body building and the next day they will have a business project they obsessively spend time on and then that will disappear and they will become addicted to making miniature planes. Guys with addictive personalities do not hide their obsession from you.They talk about them constantly and fondly recollect past ones. DO NOT MEET OR DATE MEN WITH OBSESSIVE HOBBIES OR ADDICTIONS.

Red  Flag #7: His Attitude about his Kids

I have met many men on the internet whose entire social world consists of doing things with their children from a past marriage. You may be telling yourself, once he dates me he’ll spend time with me and his kids will take a back seat. The answer is no. If a man constantly talks to you about his kids and when you ask him what he did that week you realize that his social life consisted of taking his children shopping, you are always going to compete with his children for his love. A man with a healthy relationship with their kids also has friends he spends time with and does things with. Some men will give you a feeling in your gut that their daughter has become a substitute companion replacing their wife (in an emotional, not sexual way). DO NOT MEET OR DATE MEN LIKE THIS

Red Flag #8: His Attitude about Himself and his Life in General

There are happy men who love life, and then there are men who are angry, unhappy and miserable about their life. When you talk to a guy, you will know in your gut which kind he is. Men who are happy with life and themselves never complain about their “bad luck” and “misfortunes”. They find humor in things and they have an optimistic point of view. They don’t make sarcastic comments about life or people, such as, “My daughter came over the other day and took hold of my wallet again”. Guys who like life, like themselves and will be able to like you and make life a happy experience for you are guys who don’t seem to have a black cloud of bad luck that’s always following them in life. When a guy has that cloud of bad luck, it’s because he mentally brings it into his reality. You will know in your gut if you are talking to a happy guy who sees life with the glass half full or a guy who sees life with the glass always half empty. You will know when a guy carries that black cloud because there is impending doom in every aspect of his life: his job is on the line, he lost money, his friend swindled him, his car just broke down, he just had another fight with his brother, he just got another speeding ticket, etc. MEET THOSE GLASS HALF FULL GUYS.

The point to the Cheat Sheet is this: you have to believe that you deserve to be discerning. Exposure to lots of guys through the internet is fine, but dating lots of them until you just happen to click with one of them is a lesson in futility. You have the right to screen guys on the phone to make sure they don’t have the kind of attitude that will make you miserable being with them. You have to stop listening to those well intentioned friends and relatives who say to you, “just meet him, stop worrying about whether he is right for you, just give him a chance”. The pressure to just have someone to date to make everyone around you happy won’t be easy to avoid. But it’s because women buckle to that pressure that so many are in unfulfilling relationships that ultimately end. We must be selective about who we date. We deserve to date a guy without anger issues who has a positive attitude about his life. We must tell the universe we don’t want to spend our life with anyone who gives us that bad feeling in our gut. We must stop caring about having no one to date. We must allow the right guy into our life by not wasting time with the wrong one. So screen guys on the phone and be very selective. It’s your life’s happiness that’s at stake and that happiness is something you truly deserve.

Author: Beth Cofone
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Anti-angiogenic Food

Introduction

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

Before the Date

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help “take the edge off” and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

During the Date

·Be punctual and relax. No matter how attracted you may be to the man sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself–avoid trying to put up a façade and be someone you’re not to try to impress your date. You are great just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re engaging in a form of deception that will only come back to bite you later. Be authentic and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a truly compatible partner.

·Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes stray if there are other attractive men in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language convey interest in learning about your date. Stay out of your own head and shut off those distracting thoughts; really listen to what he’s saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more about your date. This is especially effective if you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say because it gets the other person talking more, allowing for more tidbits that you can start other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.

·Avoid controversial topics of discussion as these may be offensive to your date. You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate direction. Discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later after you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and may cause an unfavorable impression of you to form in your date’s mind and image of you.

After the Date

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a “love connection” with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Conclusion

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Author: Brian Rzepczynski
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Benefits of electric pressure cooker

Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match. (Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work. (Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! (Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this. (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies. (Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other. (Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions. (Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues. Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. (Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds. So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision. (Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend. (Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. (Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions. (Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar. Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about. (Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right. (Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then. (Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome. (Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long. (Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable. If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates! (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave. Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night! (Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on! (Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society. Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo. (Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours? Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self. (Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not. (Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age. (Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures. (Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating! Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense. Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it! (Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal. (Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life. (Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully. (Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts. (Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Canadian crossborder shopping

Introduction

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

Before the Date

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help “take the edge off” and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

During the Date

·Be punctual and relax. No matter how attracted you may be to the man sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself–avoid trying to put up a façade and be someone you’re not to try to impress your date. You are great just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re engaging in a form of deception that will only come back to bite you later. Be authentic and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a truly compatible partner.

·Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes stray if there are other attractive men in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language convey interest in learning about your date. Stay out of your own head and shut off those distracting thoughts; really listen to what he’s saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more about your date. This is especially effective if you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say because it gets the other person talking more, allowing for more tidbits that you can start other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.

·Avoid controversial topics of discussion as these may be offensive to your date. You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate direction. Discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later after you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and may cause an unfavorable impression of you to form in your date’s mind and image of you.

After the Date

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a “love connection” with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Conclusion

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Author: Brian Rzepczynski
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Pressure cooker

Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match. (Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work. (Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! (Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this. (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies. (Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other. (Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions. (Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues. Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. (Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds. So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision. (Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend. (Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. (Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions. (Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar. Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about. (Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right. (Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then. (Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome. (Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long. (Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable. If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates! (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave. Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night! (Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on! (Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society. Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo. (Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours? Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self. (Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not. (Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age. (Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures. (Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating! Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense. Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it! (Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal. (Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life. (Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully. (Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts. (Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
How Electric Pressure Cookers Work

The following 21 dating tips for men are based on research and personal experience. Most of them are exclusive to men and not applicable for use by women, although they may benefit by reading them. The same is true of the ones for women; men may benefit by reading them as well.

Dating Tips for Men #1: Ask her for a date like a man. Pick the day before you call. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into YOUR plan. If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would NOT include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! If she is interested, she will re-arrange her schedule. Think it over for a week or more and if you feel in your gut that you should give it second try, go for it. If not, move on!

Dating Tips for Men #2: Make dates in advance. Ask her to go out with you well in advance of the actual date. 1-2 weeks is good at the beginning. This strategy gives you time to make arrangements for your date and it also creates romantic anticipation.

Dating Tips for Men #3: Have it all planned. Have the entire date planned, scheduled, and reserved before you pick her up. Not only will she be impressed by your organization, but you’ll also have a better time.

Dating Tips for Men #4: Invest your time and money wisely. There is no sense investing a lot of your time or money until you determine if you like each other. Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date.

Dating Tips for Men #5: Use a progressive dating strategy. Start with inexpensive dates during the week and work your way up to more expensive dates on the weekends.

Dating Tips for Men #6: Timeliness is classiness. Be on time to pick up your date. This does NOT mean getting there early. Many women, and men, schedule their preparations for going out down to the last minute. If you are running late by more then 10 minutes, call and let her know when to expect you.

Dating Tips for Men #7: Being yourself is your best act. Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win a woman over will only attract those with superficial intentions. Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Dating Tips for Men #8: Be like a movie star. Almost all of the male movie stars who attract an abundance of women on and off the screen have exquisite manners. Women love being treated like ladies. You see these men opening a door for her, letting her walk into a room first, and helping her with a chair. I once witnessed two (2) young army combat veterans instantly stand up when a poor, unattractive teenage girl entered the room. They had no obligation or incentive whatsoever to respond as they did. It was beautiful!

Dating Tips for Men #9: Keep your eyes on the ball. Do not check out other women. Even when done on the sly, women will pick it up. Nothing is more classy and warrior-like than a man who keeps his attention on the woman he’s with regardless of who she is.

Dating Tips for Men #10: Cleanliness is coolness personified. Be sure that all areas of your body are clean and fresh. This includes your hair, ears, body, and especially your teeth. Bad breath, which is often caused by a dental or periodontal problem, is usually not noticeable by the person who has it. Nothing is more of a turn off than bad breath. If you haven’t had your teeth cleaned in the last six months, get it done!

Dating Tips for Men #11: Hold your flattery. Save your compliments about her beauty for the right time. Although you might be intoxicated by her beauty, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings on your first few dates. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating.

Dating Tips for Men #12: Put it in your autobiography. Don’t tell her your whole life story and all your secrets right away. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Dating Tips for Men #13: One night to stand. Do not expect to have sex on your first date. Consider these scenarios: If you do have long-term interest in a particular woman and your main focus is sex on the first date, her opinion of you will be lowered. If you do NOT have any long-term interest in a particular woman and she willingly has sex with you on the first date, she has probably done it before! Maybe several times, maybe hundreds of times! Having sex with a woman like this GREATLY increases the chances of you contracting a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Here’s my advice: Take the pressure off yourself and don’t expect sex on the first date. This will enable you to more clearly evaluate the person and you’ll have a better time.

Dating Tips for Men #14: Sex without full mutual agreement is rape. Do not pressure a woman to have sex. Regardless of how you feel about a particular woman, it is inappropriate to pressure a woman to have sex at anytime.

Dating Tips for Men #15: Patience equals unimaginable pleasure.. Do not rush a woman to have sex. If you’re really interested in a long-term relationship with a particular woman, do NOT rush her to have sex with you based on any kind of “timetable.” If you want to have the BEST sexual experience of your life, become best friends FIRST and then have sex. I assure you, it is worth the wait!

Dating Tips for Men #16: Romance is the key to receiving a woman’s best. Women love romance! They need it in order to feel complete. It literally fulfills a part of their sexual needs. It’s what they require for true satisfaction. So, include romance into your dating plans.

Dating Tips for Men #17: Be a creative romantic. The traditional methods for creating romance remain unchanged. These include buying her flowers, candy, jewelry, perfume, and romantic music; sending her love letters and notes; taking her to dinner at unique restaurants; taking her dancing at nightclubs; and taking her to movies, operas, or plays that depict a love story. The key to having the outcome that you want, however, is to come up with your own unique twists to these ancient practices. In other words, be CREATIVE!

Dating Tips for Men #18: Keep your grip. Do not get lazy about your relationship or you might get a letter from her one day that says, “Goodbye.” Keep yourself looking your best. Keep the relationship alive by continually telling her and showing her how much you care. And don’t ever forget to do something for her birthday and any other holidays that are important to her.

Dating Tips for Men #19: Warrior’s goodnight kiss. Don’t liger after the goodnight kiss at the beginning of your dating activity with a particular person. Kiss her once to the duration that feels right. Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for another date! This practice creates the mystery/romance that women love and prevents you from getting catch up by the heat of the moment and acting like a fool. Take a deep breath and go home. Take a few days to think things over. Is she right for you? Do you want to see her again or move on? It’s a lot easier to move on at the beginning than down the road.

Dating Tips for Men #20: Trust your gut. Do not continue to date a woman if you know she’s not right for you. Don’t keep her around until you find someone better. That’s not fair to her or you. Don’t waste your time. Do what’s right. Have the courage to move on!

Dating Tips for Men #21: Smart moves pay lifetime dividends. No matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STD) BEFORE your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

I wish you much dating and relationship success!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
PCB stencil online quote

Introduction

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

Before the Date

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help “take the edge off” and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

During the Date

·Be punctual and relax. No matter how attracted you may be to the man sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself–avoid trying to put up a façade and be someone you’re not to try to impress your date. You are great just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re engaging in a form of deception that will only come back to bite you later. Be authentic and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a truly compatible partner.

·Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes stray if there are other attractive men in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language convey interest in learning about your date. Stay out of your own head and shut off those distracting thoughts; really listen to what he’s saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more about your date. This is especially effective if you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say because it gets the other person talking more, allowing for more tidbits that you can start other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.

·Avoid controversial topics of discussion as these may be offensive to your date. You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate direction. Discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later after you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and may cause an unfavorable impression of you to form in your date’s mind and image of you.

After the Date

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a “love connection” with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Conclusion

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Author: Brian Rzepczynski
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Programmable Multi-cooker

Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match. (Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work. (Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! (Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this. (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies. (Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other. (Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions. (Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues. Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. (Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds. So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision. (Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend. (Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. (Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions. (Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar. Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about. (Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right. (Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then. (Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome. (Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long. (Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable. If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates! (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave. Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night! (Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on! (Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society. Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo. (Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours? Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self. (Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not. (Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age. (Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures. (Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating! Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense. Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it! (Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal. (Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life. (Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully. (Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts. (Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Electric Pressure Cooker

Introduction

Nothing gets the heart pumping quite like the nervous anticipation that goes along with going out on a first date with a guy. Whether it’s a blind date or someone you’re already acquainted with, the first meeting with a dating prospect brings with it a host of emotions, more commonly a mixture of excitement and nervousness. As the pivotal moment approaches, thoughts can become centered on such questions as: “Will he like me?” “Will I like him?” “Is he going to be The One?” “What if I mess things up and make a fool of myself?” “What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say?”

Everyone’s experience is different, but the one common denominator that most daters would testify to is that it can be difficult to navigate through the waters of man-to-man dating. Although it’s changing, we gay men have few role models to emulate when it comes to love and romance. There’s no template to follow and we were never taught how to flirt with and date other men. There are no rules, no structure, and no guidance. How do two men join together in the “courtship dance?” While a lack of rules for gay dating can be a positive thing, lending to more creativity, spontaneity, and individuality, it can also create anxiety and a sense of “cluelessness” in how to meet and date successfully–kind of like a car without a driver.

This article will offer some tips on how to approach your first date with that lucky guy you’ve chosen to get to know in sequence of that date’s occurrence. While these are by no means “rules”, these ideas can offer a means to ground yourself and make the most out of the experience without sabotaging it before it gets off the ground. Pick and choose the ones that seem right for you and create your own principles as a means of being a healthy dater who lives with integrity and follows his own values.

Before the Date

·When setting a time and place for your date, be sure to make it a short meeting (1-2 hours) for the first time and select a place that is either activity-oriented or allows for lots of opportunity to talk. Avoid movies and instead opt for a short get-together at a coffee shop or at the zoo. Making it brief takes a lot of the pressure off, especially if you find the two of you aren’t compatible, and allows for healthy pacing of your dating relationship. You can always extend the date if you’re getting along famously.

·Take the emphasis off of it being a date and instead view it as a chance to meet a potential new friend. This can help “take the edge off” and allow you to relax without focusing on the outcome of the date. Avoid placing too many hopes and expectations on the encounter; let it evolve naturally and if a spark ignites during your time together, then that’s an added bonus!

·If you’re particularly nervous, take some time to do some relaxation exercises (deep breathing, visualization, etc.) to help soothe yourself and get centered. If you’re worried about what to talk about, generate a list of possible ideas beforehand and role-play with a friend to build confidence. But don’t rely too much on this or you’ll appear stiff and rehearsed. Be cool and be yourself. This isn’t about performance.

·Dress comfortably and in clothing that makes you feel good about yourself. Make sure you and your date are on the same page about the style of dress for your date. In my own dating days, I showed up for a second date in a nice oxford shirt and jeans to then find my other half dressed to the nines in a French suit not realizing his intentions for the evening. It made for a very embarrassing moment and he cancelled the reservations he’d made for us for dinner at a ritzy, fine-dining establishment. He then changed into more casual clothes and took me to a family restaurant instead. Ouch! His image of me instantly changed and he stopped seeing me after that. He did us both a favor by ending things, but at the time it was quite humiliating. So be clear to avoid any miscommunication.

During the Date

·Be punctual and relax. No matter how attracted you may be to the man sitting across from you, it is your responsibility to be yourself–avoid trying to put up a façade and be someone you’re not to try to impress your date. You are great just as you are. Let him get to know the real you; otherwise, you’re engaging in a form of deception that will only come back to bite you later. Be authentic and eventually you’ll be rewarded with a truly compatible partner.

·Be attentive to your date. Show respect by maintaining good eye contact and don’t let those eyes stray if there are other attractive men in the room. Have an open posture and let your nonverbal communication and body language convey interest in learning about your date. Stay out of your own head and shut off those distracting thoughts; really listen to what he’s saying. Balance active listening with sharing things about yourself. Ask open-ended questions to gain more elaboration on points made in your discussion to stretch out conversations and learn more about your date. This is especially effective if you’re feeling shy or are short on things to say because it gets the other person talking more, allowing for more tidbits that you can start other dialogues about. Be positive and let your sense of humor shine through.

·Avoid controversial topics of discussion as these may be offensive to your date. You can ease into these the more you get to know him. Avoid alcohol, as this may alter your behavior, and stay away from sexual content and innuendo. Unless sex is the motivation for your date, introducing sexual talk into your first date can set the tone in an inappropriate direction. Discussions about sex and sexual preferences can come later after you’ve been able to establish more of a genuine, mature connection. Questions like “Are you a top or a bottom?” may appear crass at a first meeting and may cause an unfavorable impression of you to form in your date’s mind and image of you.

After the Date

·Whether your date was a smash hit or a disaster, exercise good manners and thank your new acquaintance for the date. If you’d like to see him again, state this and call him in a day or so to ask him out again. Don’t get caught up in the whole dating game of “How many days should I hold off to call him to avoid looking desperate?” or “I’m going to let him be the one to call me.” If you like him, take charge of your life and make that call. If you didn’t feel a “love connection” with the guy, thank him for the date and kindly and tactfully tell him that it’s not a match. While this may be extremely difficult, it’s always best to be honest and direct in a gentle, polite way. If you’d like to try to develop a friendship instead, suggest that. But be honest and direct and don’t tell him you’ll call him again if you really have no intention of doing so. That’s cruel.

·Do some de-briefing after your date and reflect on your conduct, as well as your date’s, and perhaps journal about the experience. How did you feel? How did you manage yourself during the date? What would you have changed? What went well? What did you learn about yourself as a result of this date? How would you rate the date and the guy you met? From what you can tell so far, is there compatibility with your personal requirements and vision for a life partner? Is he matching up thus far with your needs, wants, goals, and values?

Conclusion

Dating can be a nerve-wracking, daunting task, particularly with the absence of dating education available to us as gay men. What traditions and roles that our heterosexual counterparts have for dating are applicable for us, if any? What are we supposed to do?

The key is to have fun with dating and take a light approach. Dating is both an art and a science in my belief, combining common sense decision-making with self-awareness of what one wants and needs for a happy and fulfilling lifestyle. When your dating behavior is in alignment with your values and vision for a relationship, you’ll be living with integrity and will be able to approach all your dates with a more relaxed tone and confident demeanor. It will make the process much more easy-going and rewarding. Cheers to your dating success!

©2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski

WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online, as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:

Brian Rzepczynski, Certified Personal Life Coach, is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs,and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

Please also include with the article the words © Copyright and prominently display a link to our main page at the end of the article. Any feedback would be appreciated and can be sent to brian@thegaylovecoach.com. Thank you!

Author: Brian Rzepczynski
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Lowest price PCB Prototype

Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match. (Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work. (Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! (Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this. (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies. (Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other. (Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions. (Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues. Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. (Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds. So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision. (Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend. (Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. (Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions. (Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar. Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about. (Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right. (Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then. (Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome. (Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long. (Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable. If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates! (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave. Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night! (Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on! (Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society. Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo. (Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours? Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self. (Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not. (Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age. (Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures. (Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating! Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense. Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it! (Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal. (Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life. (Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully. (Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts. (Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Low-volume PCB Assembly