Dating Guru Guide

Heard enough pick-up lines? Don’t like nightclubs? Sat through one too many bad blind dates? Can’t seem too meet new dates? Pushed for time? Why not try speed dating?

Fast dating. Hurry dating. 3 minute dating. 8 minute dating. Coco Swan has researched the newest dating fashion to sweep the world and gives you all the speed dating tips to increase your chances of getting a tick on your dating card.

Speed dating is defined as an organized method of meeting potential romantic partners in which participants evaluate each other over the course of a single event through a series of brief one-on-one meetings. Coco did hear it being described elsewhere as “musical chairs with people as prizes”.

The concept of speed dating is the brain child of Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish Ha Torah, who saw it as a way for Jewish singles to meet each other in large cities where they were in the minority. The word “SpeedDating” is actually a registered trademark of Aish Ha Torah. “Speed dating” is now a generic term for a similar concept. Other terms include: fast dating, hurry dating, 3 minute dating, and 8 minute dating. The first speed dating event occurred in Beverley Hills in 1998. After an episode in Sex and the City in 2000 the concept of speed dating really took off.

Speed dating is less intimidating than meeting strangers in a bar, and certainly a lot safer. It is being billed as a fast fun way to meet a room full of eligible strangers who are also looking to date. It is a great way to meet new people and enlarge your social circle. Since dating is really a numbers game, speed dating is perfect, as you can meet as many as 25 prospective dates at one event. Various companies obviously use different numbers but the more popular sites were using between 8-25 as their meeting numbers. Usually the event you will be attending will have people in the same age range as yourself. There are also many niche speed dating events out there catering for gay speed dating, black speed dating, older man younger woman, and various religious affiliations, including Jewish speed dating.

Speed dating is perfect for those who are time deficient. This concept is a real time saver as most people decide very quickly if they are going to be compatible romantically.

How Speed Dating Works:

A selected equal number of guys and girls attend a venue like a trendy lounge, café or bar. Every one is given the equivalent of a dating card. Every one will just be introduced by their first name for security purposes. Encounters seem to run from 3 minutes to 8 minutes depending on the company you are using. At the end of the allocated time a bell will ring, or a glass will be clinked, and all the males will get up and move one place on. If you should fancy what you have seen then you tick the appropriate box on your card. If you are lucky enough for reciprocated interest then within 1-2 days the company will line the two of you up. Some companies are now incorporating online dating with their speed dating services and these then match you up online. These companies are also offering the service of looking at profiles before you attend and then the company can invite any one you fancy along to the same event as you. Sounds pretty good to me!

Obviously, punctuality is essential with speed dating. If you are late you will throw the numbers out. Most companies make a point of saying that if you are late they will cancel you.
Likewise, once you have arrived, you are there for the duration, little short of medical emergency, because once again you will be messing up the ratios for everyone else. So if you are going to go, be on time and plan on staying to the end.

What to Wear:

You are going to be noticed at this event so you need to take some care with your appearance.
Make sure your outfit is venue appropriate. You should select an outfit that you feels flatters you and that you are comfortable in. Ladies, if you are going to be seated for the night do not wear a shirt that gapes when you sit down, or offers him a view down to your navel. Men, clean hands are a must as she will be looking at them. Obviously good personal hygiene is essential. A little of your favourite scent is good too, so long as you are not swimming in it. Natural make up supposedly works best for the girls at these gigs as the fellas find too much enhancing off putting and wonder what is underneath that needs hiding. The more confident you are feeling the more approachable you will be.

First Impressions do Count.

It can take as little as 4 seconds to mentally check out someone’s face, clothes and body.
People make snap judgments and will size up the possibilities of a relationship within minutes of meeting. In fact, researchers at Ohio University, using 164 new students, showed that after just 3 minutes the students could predict what sort of relationship they would have with their fellow students. Categories included good friends, lovers, and never speak again. The students who only chatted for 3 minutes were just as successful at predicting the future relationships as those who spent 6 or 10 minutes speaking. The more positively they viewed the potential future relationship played a huge part in how hard they then worked to get the relationship to work. The self fulfilling prediction then came into play and determined how much effort they were willing to put in. Obviously, if one party has negative thoughts they will be preventing the relationship moving further. The correlation to speed dating here being that they will not tick their card and adios.

How to make a Good Impression.

What to say:

Most people find that the more attractive the person they are trying to impress the more nervous they get. However, it won’t really matter what you say in the first 30 seconds because you will both be busy checking the other out. Always speak within reason. Say nothing inappropriate e.g.: “What were you thinking with the hair?” Here is a great little strategy to employ when the nerves strike.

1: Compliment them. Take a quick look at what they have obviously worked hard at or spent a lot of money on and choose that. People love to be praised and this is a quick way to win affection. Don’t get too carried away and come over as insincere or creepy.

2: Ask a simple question.

3: Introduce yourself.

At this point your date should feel secure. Then smile, look them in the eye and ask another question. If you find it is really hard work to click, then you are probably not destined to be soul mates. After the introductions are over keep the conversation flowing:

1: keep the talking about them.

2: steer away from shallow questions; try to make them a bit more meaningful.

3: don’t make it an interrogation or treat it like a job interview.

4: find out what they find is fun or exciting.

5: other safe topics are movies, siblings, past holidays, career in brief, sports, hobbies, movies and current affairs.

6: don’t forget the end goal is to get a date.

7: try to make them feel better about themselves without being insincere.

Body Language.
With time being an issue with speed dating, a lot of the signals you are giving and receiving are on a purely subconscious level. Body language and sexual chemistry everywhere! Here are some body language tips to make sure you are reading it right. Give off seriously interested gestures to keep them interested subconsciously.

The interested girl. Seated with legs crossed and her hand on her thigh. By sitting up straight she is showing her interest. Looking straight in your eyes with a tilted head shows a high level of interest. Exposing the wrist or palms shows honesty. Running fingers through her hair is another strong sexual body language gesture for flirting. Women also play with their necks or necklace when they are sexually interested. Girls also tend to start sticking out their chests when they spy a fellow they are interested in.

The interested guy. When guys go into flirt mode they will start stroking their ties, rubbing their noses and also playing with their hair. Depending on seating arrangements they will also often open up their laps to display their packages.

Bad signs for all include fidgeting and fiddling but can also just indicate nervousness. Holding your glass at chest height or higher makes you appear defensive. Arms crossed over your chest is also perceived to be some sort of physical barrier. Sitting slumped is also not seen as good body language. Beware of appearing to be shifty eyed.

Advantages of Speed Dating:

1: safe

2: allows singles to meet a large number of other singles at one event.

3: great if you have already dated all your friend’s friends or have a limited social circle of singles.

4: no face to face rejection.

5: both women and men have to interact, thus leveling the gender playing field.

6: time limits ensure that no one is stuck for too long with anyone they do not fancy.

7: women can go along with their friends.

8: you can hear what is being said.

9: age appropriate ranges.

10: cost efficient as you get numerous dates for the price of one.

11: no monopolizing of the hot talent, every one gets to spend time with everyone else.

12: you don’t have to be able to dance to impress anyone.

13: no tacky pick-up lines to listen to.

What not to do while Speed Dating:

!: Never give out personal details including phone numbers, last names, addresses, business cards or email addresses for safety purposes.

2: Never harass other dates to tick their date card for you.

3: Don’t treat it like a job interview.

4: Don’t be disrespectful.

5: No behaviour that could be construed as sexual harassment.

6: Never be late.

7: No asking for another date.

What are you waiting for? Sign on for your nearest speed dating event now!

Swiftly, Coco Swan.

Author: Coco Swan
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Smiling shark

Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match. (Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work. (Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! (Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this. (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies. (Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other. (Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions. (Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues. Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. (Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds. So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision. (Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend. (Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. (Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions. (Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar. Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about. (Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right. (Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then. (Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome. (Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long. (Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable. If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates! (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave. Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night! (Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on! (Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society. Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo. (Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours? Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self. (Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not. (Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age. (Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures. (Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating! Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense. Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it! (Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal. (Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life. (Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully. (Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts. (Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
Canada duty rate

Although this article has a lot of great dating tips, advice, and ideas, it offers much more. It gives you an education and a step-by-step strategy that you can use to dramatically improve your dating success and enjoyment.

To draw your attention to key points, you will find these markers throughout the text: (Dating Tip:) & (Dating Ideas:).

Benefits to Mastery

Most of us approach dating in a lackadaisical manner as if our actions were dictated by instincts that we have no control over, like it is with animals. The difference, of course, is that humans have an infinitely superior intelligence that provides us with the ability to think, analyze, and choose.

Mastering dating rituals and techniques can change everything in terms of how successful you are in the courting process. This includes not only having the ability to recognize early when it’s time to move on, but also how to create romance and passion with the person you have determined to be a promising match. (Dating Tip:) Dating rituals and techniques create the mystery and romance that women love and render the enticement and passion that men love.

Other benefits to gaining these skills is having more poise and confidence, which translate to having more fun! The final reward is a successful dating experience with someone you recognize as being the one who’s right for you!

Building from the Basics

We will develop this information from a solid foundation by building from the basics of dating. For it is through the dating basics or rituals where we will apply the techniques that we shall learn about. Even the highly experienced dating veteran will benefit from this review.

The first date can produce a wide range of feelings from extreme nervousness and apprehension to being relaxed and self-assured for the well prepared or experienced. Opinions on how the date went can also vary widely from, “I think we had a great time” to “I’m not sure if either one of us had a good time or not.” The uncertainty and mixed emotions are normal. The variation to either end of the scale of possible emotions depends on how much dating experience a person has and how long it’s been since they dated last.

Responsibility for at least the first several dates, even by today’s standards, typically rests almost entirely on the man. Ladies can be helpful, however, by being cooperative with plans and gracious as her man tries his best to execute the various dating rituals and customs such as opening doors, ordering wine, and so forth without stumbling.

First Date

The first date should be scheduled a week to two (2) weeks in advance, and it should be on a weekday (Monday through Thursday), not Friday or Saturday night. Friday, and especially Saturday, nights are reserved for the more advanced stages of dating. If work or school schedules doesn’t permit this, then a date during the day on Saturday or Sunday will work. (Dating Tip:) Incidentally, you should be trying to date several people, or at least more than one (1), during your quest. Focusing on just one person can stifle your resolve to reach your target.

Guys, you should select a particular day and time for your date in advance of asking her. If she tells you that it’s not a good day, do not negotiate unless she offers a specific alternative that fits into your plan (Monday through Thursday, anytime, or Saturday or Sunday, during the day). If she doesn’t offer a specific alternative (This would not include, “Call me next week.”), say to her, “Perhaps some other time.” That’s it! (Dating Tip:) The reason for all these tactical moves is this: If she is interested, she will help make it happen by re-arranging her schedule or by offering a specific alternative. Ladies, I’m sure you will agree with this. (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, if you do get an unclear response to your invitation for a date, then make the decision based on your gut instincts on whether you should give it a second try or move on. If the second try doesn’t work, then don’t waste your time, just move on! The same is true for the ladies. (Dating Tip:) If a guy is not following these guidelines by not giving you enough advanced notice, or he has no plans when he picks you up, or he’s not attentive during your dates, move on! In either case, the situation for the person you are attracted to could change in the future, but for now they are probably not interested.

The destination for your date should be simple and inexpensive, but clean and nice, and in your neighborhood. There is no sense investing your time or a lot of money until you determine if you like each other. (Dating Tip:) Most women will only become uncomfortable, or perceive you as being foolish, if you spend a month’s pay on the first date. (Dating Ideas:) Possible locations for a first date might be at a local tavern, a coffee house, or an inexpensive restaurant.

Your Best Act is Being Yourself

Don’t try to impress your date with your money, your position, your car, or your body measurements. Using these things to win someone over will only attract those with superficial intentions. (Dating Tip:) Win them over by showing them the qualities you have inside by simply being yourself.

Actually, the most important thing you can do on a date is to be yourself. There is always the temptation to act like the “Goddess Princess” or the “Knight in Shining Armor,” especially after a few drinks. There is also the tendency to go along with things that conflict with your values, or to overstate your accomplishments or virtues. Trying to be somebody you aren’t will not only bind you to a pack of lies, but it will often bring about an arrogant and conceited manner in you. It’s also a lot of work being someone you’re not. Wouldn’t you rather have someone fall in love with you as you truly are? Of course you would! So do it. Be yourself!

Attraction Intoxication

Although you may be intoxicated by the beautiful or handsome appearance of your date, do not reveal the full extent of your feelings just yet. Save that for the right moment several dates down the road. Just say, “You look very nice this evening.” and leave it at that. (Dating Tip:) In regard to sexual innuendoes, they have no place during the early stages of dating. They can be offensive to women, and sometimes to men as well.

Do not permit physical attraction (or lust) to cloud your judgment. When this happens, your vision begins to fade away, and you risk the chance of fooling yourself into believing that you have found the one who’s right for you. Don’t allow physical attraction to obscure your emotional requirements. Because when you find someone who satisfies both, the fireworks will be a continuous grand finale’, and not a brief show followed by a string of duds. So don’t settle for an individual who falls short of your vision. (Dating Tip:) To quickly determine if someone meets our criteria, we need to pay attention to our intuition and not be timid about attempting to determine their true character through tactful questions.

Tactical Questions

Keep the conversation light during the first few dates, but try to tactfully find out if your date has the qualities you seek in a partner or friend. (Dating Tip:) And don’t tell them your whole life story and all your intimate secrets right away. Prolong the mystery. In fact, always try to maintain some degree of anonymity in some area of your personality or life, as it naturally provokes more excitement. Mystery is a mental aphrodisiac!

Take notice of your date’s personality attributes and how they demonstrate their values through their actions and unrehearsed comments. Then ask yourself, “Do their responses reflect my values?” Human resource professionals carefully use crafted questions to get people to talk about themselves while they unwittingly reveal key aspects of their character. (Dating Tip:) Questions like these, used in a date setting, can also be revealing as well as lead to stimulating conversation.

On the first few dates, your questions should be geared toward discovering what you have in common and generating stimulating conversation. Save the more probing and tactical questions for a later time down the road. Typical questions might include:

- Where did you grow up?

- Do you have brothers/sisters?

- Where did you go to high school/college?

- What are your favorite movies?

- What are your favorite songs?

- What are your favorite sports?

- What type of books do you read?

More probing questions, which tend to reveal a lot about a person, should not occur until the third or fourth date. You can keep them from sounding like interview questions by presenting them playfully in a game-like manner. Probing questions might include:

- Where do you see yourself in three (3) to five (5) years?

- Using single words, how would you describe yourself?

- What’s your greatest achievement?

- What’s your greatest disappointment?

- If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

- What is your best attribute?

Here are a few words of caution regarding the use of questions. (Dating Tip:) If you’re dating more than one person at the same time, and you have any tendency to get confused about what you’ve talked about with each individual, I would suggest that you make notes on what you talked about in your journal or calendar. Nothing is more disappointing to a date than when it is discovered that you can’t remember what you spoke to them about. (Dating Tip:) On the other hand, nothing is more charming to them than when you remember specific details about your conversation.

At the End & Before the Next Date

Gentlemen, if when saying good night on the first date you feel a kiss might be appropriate, kiss her once to the duration that feels right. (Dating Tip:) Then say good night, turn, and walk away. Do not linger, talk more, try to kiss her again, or ask her for a second date!

Ladies, be sure to thank your date for the things that he bought you during the date. Be sensitive to the fact that dating is expensive and you never know how deep a man is going into his current budget to take you out.

Wait a few days and think it over. Is he or she worth pursuing? If so, gentlemen call her about a week later and schedule the second date for around a week from then. (Dating Tip:) Ladies if you haven’t heard from him within two (2) weeks, move on! Don’t allow yourself to take it personally, even if you had a great time! Don’t waste your time trying to figure it out. Just get yourself back out there! Ladies, if you’re the one who’s not interested, simply refuse his offer for a date, even if you don’t have a date for the company Christmas party! You’d make a much better impression on your friends and management if you were there with someone who was truly right for you!

Second Date

The second date should be advanced one more step by scheduling it later in the week on a Thursday or Friday evening, or Sunday, but not Saturday night! The destination should remain inexpensive, but slightly more adventuresome. (Dating Ideas:) Perhaps a light dinner at a unique sandwich or coffee shop, a movie, a special ice cream parlor, and/or a walking tour through a popular area with a lot of interesting stores.

The goodbye kiss on the second date can last a little longer, or a kiss or two (2) during the date is OK, but don’t draw them out for too long. (Dating Tip:) Build up to that. Then later on down the line, after your friendship and feelings have been established, the long romantic kiss will be very heartfelt and memorable. If rushed, there’s the possibility that the progress of your relationship development may not match, resulting in an awkward moment. So let interest, excitement, and romance develop at its own pace and give your partner/friend something to think about between dates! (Dating Tip:) Gentlemen, after the goodnight kiss, if there is one (some people take longer and that’s OK too), say good night and leave. Do not linger! And do not schedule the next date then. Wait! Waiting not only gives you a cooling off period to get your head straight, but it also builds excitement and romance.

Third Date

If things seem to be advancing well and your date appears to fit your criteria so far, gentlemen, ask her for a third date after about a week and schedule it approximately a week in advance. And elevate the courting process to the next level, perhaps a Friday or even a Saturday night! (Dating Ideas:) Dinner and dancing, or dinner and a movie are good choices.

Ladies, if he doesn’t meet your criteria at this point, move on! (Dating Tip:) Don’t think that you can change him! Instead of wasting time, get back out there! If he calls, just tell him that your situation has changed and you’re no longer available. If he’s persistent, be honest, but also remember to be kind and empathetic. Just tell him something like, “I think we would both be happier with someone else.”

I am placing more emphasis at this point on the ladies decision on whether they should move on because women typically have better judgment than men during the early stages of dating. Later on, it switches.

Dancing Expresses the Heart

I am going to change directions for a couple of minutes to provide you with some important and exciting thoughts about dancing. Let me start by giving you a bit of history on dancing. Humans have been dancing for thousands of years. Many different forms and uses evolved along with the development of human society. Although dancing was used for a wide variety of situations, its underlining purpose in most of them was to inspire and to gain unity of thought or focus. Male warriors danced together to strengthen one another, females danced together to support one another, spiritual leaders danced to achieve a closer connection with their higher power, and lovers danced together to celebrate, connect, and express their affections for each other.

I would suspect that the greatest number of dance variations, especially in modern society, exist between men and women. There’s the waltz, the tango, the swing, the two-step, and many more. My favorite is the free-style dance that you might see in a nightclub, because it allows complete freedom to express your individuality.

Whatever your tastes are in dance, what is important is whether or not you and your partner/friend harmonize in style, rhythm, and tempo. (Dating Tip:) If not, it is very likely that you will not harmonize in other major areas of your relationship as well, but especially in the area of romantic compatibility.

Think back. Have you ever danced with someone who seemed to be dancing alone? They moved in a manner and speed that was way out of rhythm from yours? Have you ever danced with someone who forcibly led with his or her own style without regard to whether you were following or enjoying it? Have you ever noticed how this same person tried to control everything off the dance floor as well? It’s very uncomfortable to be in these situations and not enjoyable or fun as it should be.

In contrast, when you find someone who harmonizes with your dancing style, the activity can be both fun and erotic! You will also find that you get along, almost mysteriously well, off the dance floor as well! If you can’t fully appreciate the amorous and romantic aspects of dancing, rent the movie “Dirty Dancing.”

You can see then that the way a person dances is really an expression of their internal self. (Dating Tip:) Therefore, it is important to zero in on this aspect of your interactions when you’re with someone. Don’t settle for less, either. Dancing with the one who’s right can be absolutely magical! And your dancing skills really have little to do with it. Now let’s return to our main topic.

Evaluate Your Aim

After the third date, it’s time to consider if you should continue dating this person or not. (Dating Tip:) Start by reviewing your criteria for an ideal partner or friend and comparing it to the person you’ve been seeing. If you have not yet created a list of criteria for your perfect partner, I would strongly suggest that you do.

Do not rationalize! Think carefully about your evaluation and then make a decision to continue or move on. And stick to it! Incidentally, this choice becomes a lot easier if you’re dating more than one person at the same time, which is highly recommended.

Reality before Sex

If you’ve decided to proceed, and you feel sex is a possibility, it’s time to revisit reality, and discuss contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). This would be appropriate for couples of any age. (Dating Tip:) You may feel uncomfortable with the thought of discussing these subjects with your partner/friend, but it’s your life and these issues must be resolved. One bad choice in this area can instantly ruin your life forever!

(Dating Tip:) I would strongly suggest no matter how truthful, safe, and healthy your partner/friend seems, that you make certain that an adequate birth control method is being used, and that you both get tested for STD’s before your first sexual encounter. If you don’t have medical insurance to cover these expenses, most local health departments offer birth control counseling and STD testing for free or at a nominal fee.

Fourth through Sixth Date

If you’re ready to move on to dates four (4) through six (6) it’s time to start planning some adventures. (Dating Ideas:) Guys, get creative and do some research to find some unique restaurants and activities such as dinner cruises, plays, concerts, or special events. Concentrate on the activities that would take you outside of the area where your date lives or works. Your objective is to create unique, memorable, and adventurous experiences together.

After the sixth date, it’s time (once again) to consider whether or not you want to continue dating this person. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend. At this point, it may be more difficult to break away or think clearly, especially if you’ve been intimate and your weekends are no longer lonely but filled with the excitement of dating! Think carefully about your evaluation, and then go with your gut instincts as to whether you should continue or end it. Keep in mind that it’s a lot easier to end a relationship in the early stages than later. In fact, as time goes on, it gets progressively more difficult. So give it serious consideration, and don’t allow a temporary good time to postpone your discovery of the one who’s right! If you decide to continue though, do so with gusto!

Seventh through Ninth Date

If you decide to move on to dates seven (7) through nine (9), it’s time for some trips, some introductions into your personal world, and some romantic activities. Ladies, at this point, it would be fitting for you to start planning an activity every once in a while, where you pay for a portion or all of the expense. Even if it’s just a home-cooked meal, most men will love it! (Dating Tip:) Guys, some brainstorming and research may be required here. Also, planning an activity together might be appropriate, allow you to see how you work together, and may result in a truly memorable experience!

(Dating Ideas:) Trips might include an entire day (or evening) at an amusement park, cultural center, a specialty show, a zoo, or a museum. For those who are more sports orientated, a day of snow or water skiing, sailing, golf, or tennis may be more of an appeal. (Dating Tip:) Exposure to each other’s personal world is necessary so that you can thoroughly assess the integrity of your matching. This means that you need to introduce your partner/friend to a couple of people and activities that are important to you in your life. Then you will need to do the same with your partner/friend and gain exposure to key people and activities in their life. (Dating Tip:) You will then be able to determine whether or not your two (2) lives will blend together successfully. (Dating Ideas:) Romantic activities can vary from a walk on the beach, a picnic in the country, or a candle light dinner at home to those of greater intimacy such as a weekend at a resort.

After the ninth (9th) date, it’s time (once again) to evaluate whether or not you want to continue the relationship. (Dating Tip:) Again, review your criteria for an ideal partner or friend.

At this point, the idea of breaking it off can be painful. But if it’s not working by now, I can assure you, it probably never will! So if your evaluations on this person are coming out poorly and they have few, if any, of the qualities you “must have” or “cannot have” in a relationship then you need to face facts. (Dating Tip:) Don’t rationalize! Don’t sell yourself short! And don’t waste anymore time! Think carefully about the conclusions you came to in your evaluation. Make a decision, and don’t look back!

If, on the other hand, you determine that the person you are dating matches your criteria for an ideal partner or friend, and you feel that the chemistry is right, then continue on without fear, without hesitation, and without measure of what you expect to receive in return!

Author: Brad Paul
Article Source: EzineArticles.com
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